Butterflies

I am embarrassed to be writing this. Embarrassed that I have been so wrong. I must thank Jane for inspiring me to rethink things. She wondered if I had not been guilty of jumping to conclusions too quickly.

After the car episode, Drew and I didn't speak for about five days. During this time, I found myself really missing him...craving to be with him. I tried to suffocate these feelings because logically, I didn't want to be with someone who was so reluctant to help me in need! On one of these days, I spoke with Jane. She wondered if perhaps I wasn't been a little too harsh...if maybe I had seen things from a skewed perspective. I couldn't believe she was questioning my judgement! I thought about this a lot. The following day, I was to teach Sunday School to my 16 year olds and Relief Society. Since I usually don't teach people my age, I was a little more nervous than normal. Because it was also Fast Sunday, I tried with extra effort to have the Spirit guide me, calm me and inspire me to know His Will. Throughout my morning, I had the impression multiple times, "Talk to Drew".

Druing one of the breaks in the hallway, I ran into Drew. I only felt excitement to see him. I gave him a hug which nearly knocked him over. He really wasn't expecting such a greeting from me....and I understood why. It really hadn't ended prettily. After he caught his breath, I asked him if we could talk. He said yes.

Later that afternoon, we talked....and I learned. I learned, with dismay and embarrassment, that my long exposure to the Mid-singles group has infected me...in a negative way. In my experiences, I have had many conversations with men in their 30s. When we talk frankly about dating, I have asked them point blank why it is they don't ask women out. Why has dating come to a screeching halt in our midsingles world? They have expressed a fear of rejection but they have also expressed contempt and resentment for having to be the one to foot the bill during the "getting -to-know-eachother" period of time. During some conversations, we have talked specifically about how long that period of time lasts. Regardless, due to these types of conversations, I have tried to be very sensitive to men I go out with...and always offer to pay.

So....my first date with Drew. We took Charlie to the batting cages. Drew took out his wallet to pay. I remember it clearly...I pushed his hand away and said, "Oh, don't think that I expect you to pay for this." In his poor mind (as he explained to me), he thought, "Whoa...a lot has changed during the 25 years I was married. I am dealing with a completely different type of woman." So for the few weeks that we hung out, Drew was walking around me as if on egg shells...not wanting to upset this uber-independent woman of the new century. And here I was wondering why this giving and loving man did not take pleasure in taking care of his damsel...especially when she was in distress.

As we talked, I realized with horror my complete folly! What an idiot Lola is! I wonder how many other relationships I have sabbotoged so completely and unknowingly!

I was so grateful that Drew was open to forgive me and forget my poor behavior. In fact, he has labeled the whole experience "Butterflies". If I refer to it, he quickly interjects, "Oh, you mean Butterflies?"